• I Listen: John Powell - Forbiden Friendship
• I feel: ill

The curious thing is, every time I sit myself to think of religion, every time I found it more implausible. It’s not that I have something against people believing that when they die if they fulfill every single bullet in the contract will get 12 virgins when they arrive to heaven, but come on: when you seriously consider it, it sounds kind of… astray. I don’t even know what to call it.

I think that of all religions (or better said: the religions I know of) the most plausible would be the Christianity, which is full of holes too, which is unnerving. I don’t know if faith or indoctrination have something to do with the “plausibility thing…” but, the fact that every single soul that dwelt in this universe (we cannot seriously think that in 16 or more billions of light years we are the only sods living in this universe). It’s now after-living in hell or heaven, I mean, WTF? I would like to think life have a purpose but maybe this purpose doesn’t have anything to do with something bigger, I mean, I would love to believe in a deity but it’s not that I’m atheist or agnostic or whatever, I’m myself; but there are something that just don’t fit.

Deep in thought, I realize that maybe the fear of dying is because this is it. You live and then you go with the thermodynamic laws. You transform into energy, or what the hell? I don’t even care enough. I hate this thoughts, not because of the thought itself; but because there is not answer. The world is the world: dull, boring, repetitive (and dangerous). Think about it and most of the shine will fade. Maybe it’s because we are so short of everything, but life at it is, it’s nothing off-world, to put it into words. I know I’m not even making sense.

Souls, brains, sixth senses, we never know for sure, and the worst thing is that we don’t care, and the people that care are normally the crazy ones. Kamikazes and that sort of craziness, if you know what I mean. I’m not fighting for my place in the universe, I think that everything have already a place; I feel like, there is not even enough words in the worlds to describe how the hell to explain this.  It’s like everything it’s too little or short. I don’t have enough intelligence, I don’t have enough sight; I don’t even have enough awareness… and this things, you born with this things. I can pretend all I want and everybody will tell you that you can if you want. But believe me: I will open an advanced quantum physics book and not understand everything therein, not even studying all my life I will have the understanding of the universe and beyond, that I feel I need.

There is a puzzle piece missing in all this and maybe we will never find it, and if we do; maybe it will change nothing; which make have a tick in my lower eyelid.

• I feel: Tired and sort of suicidal not...
• I Listen: Chopin - Funeral March

Today, somebody asked me: Where do I see myself in ten years? Seriously? Look, in ten years, I see myself most of the time: dead, if it wasn’t for my recent develop irrational fear to death. I would love to kill myself, live it’s so dreadful, for cereal. So yeah, I am a suicidal maniacal that don’t give a damn… well, I’m sorry, this is me caring, and I appreciate that you think that you can fix me to your sheep-in-the-herd standards, but really, you can’t and I don’t want to. Yeah, I know you are the boss and I will do whatever you tell me to do (in respect of business) because, I just go with the flow… so, why don’t you keep the pep talk to yourself and leave me crashing over and over in the wall that it’s reality, it’s my life… so yeah… I think I can do pretty well what I want with them. Though I should have keep my mouth shut. Too bad, I can’t do that… my tongue it’s faster than my brain. I always promise myself the same thing, I always stumble over and over again with the same stone. I think, in this case I want to cease working… but I don’t have anything better to do, so I will stay where I am ’till they decided that I can’t be there anymore. I don’t like change… I think, I mean, I like the status quo… why do you have to come a change it… for cereal, real life, go away.

Um… I knew something was different. Well, congratulations boy! From manager to associate. I can feel this changes with the blink of the eye. Something change I don’t know, in the air… well, you are not anymore part of our little world. Too bad, I’ll miss you. No, for real, I will, but now you are on another annoying echelon, and well… goes without saying.

So yeah, in conclusion: ten years for now? I will still be doing the same things I’m doing right now, working as a lowly plebeian and reading fanfics. Ah, to never have to grow up *cheers*

• I feel: fulfilled XD
• I Listen: Shakira - Hips don't Lie

I don’t care what people says… Spica (from the brand copic) was kind of a disappointment, and of course it was ridicously expensive, but well… trial and error… I preferred the ones that were miserable 17 dollars :S but, alas… something was bound to backfire by now, this time was a big backfire. Here is a sample of all of the existing Spica they are good but I was expecting something else…

Here are the pens per se and a sakura white marker T_T which is ridiculously big I thought that it would be medium not this jumbo… it seem working ok, which is a relieve…

The markers CIAO which I’m so frustrated I repeated like three markers from the ones I had already brought T_______T I CRY….

The cheapest thing in the stupid buy, and so far the better T_T the glitter is REALLY GOOD in this fiskar! 100% recommend it! I had my doubts… but I was surprised!

My chalks T_T which I knew they would come broken and very dusty… but alas… was inevitable… at least they have great pigments!

and the paper which I messed up because I didn’t check well the grammage of the paper and I got stuck with a flimsy kind of paper but it’s still amazing for real, it blends amazing. Too bad it’s too flimsy T_T let’s cry for a while for the 32$ wasted in a paper that I will not use for the reasons I brought it…

And 11 of the 12 prismacolors (one was out of stock, sucks, I know) that I needed to make the collection complete… I know, I’m such a dork, but hey… people in this country recommend to expend the money because, save? purrff! That’s like, wasting money, but… whatever:

OMG! OMG! OMG! CARAN D’ACHE arrived to this fucking country! OMG! ORGAMS! YES! I… I could kiss the owner! OOMG, OMG! Caran d’ Ache! Too bad they didn’t have what I wanted… wee.. too bad, well, I have waited this long, another month ain’t going to kill me.

This is a painting I’m working on, it’s in oil pastels because the thing was like gathering dust in my closet and I went to find my aquarellable prismacolor and found that and oh What the Hell!? let’s just use it and see…

Well, I’m off to paint :D and tomorrow it’s a free day, YEY!

• I feel: :S
• I Listen: The annoying birds outside...

I think that my mind hates me but now my pussy hates me too? For the first time the bitches decide to graciously join and plot against me. FOR CEREAL… I mean it’s so painfully obvious that I don’t even need to ask Freud what my dream was about it. So what? Yes. I have a kink for art supplies… I know it, she knows it, the world knows it! But mind, let me tell you: you… are… a… cruel, cruel quasi-existing being… why torture me with the two things that I cannot have wherever I want? Sex and ridiculously expensive and unavailable professional art supplies? Seriously? Sex and Prismacolors, you bitch… or maybe no sex, but for the first time in my life (and it was in my dream, how fail is that?) someone flirted with me, it was a man; and I didn’t care, which was awesome: because in real life that doesn’t happen, first I never see a man in real life that I like and people doesn’t flirt with me whatsoever, so yeah. I hate you mind and I hate you pussy… I want to be a fucking Vulcan… I’m such a dork when trying to deal with feelings, it suckz.

It was impressive how I was in the ninth heaven while surrounded by Copic Makers, and brushes and Acrylics and to make it even more realistic some of the things I wanted wasn’t available but hey! It’s Venezuela, and they told me it would eventually come :D so, I can’t wait… I mean, in pain but I can wait… and then I woke up in this horrible reality. Reality sucks… I don’t hate you, like the Future, but let me tell you, you ain’t my favorite thing in the world… bitch…

Damn, what I would give for a good shop with art supplies in this fucking country…

Frustrately me,

L.

• I feel: constipated
• I Listen: Rocio Durcal - Luz de Luna

Damn, I can’t believe that just because I didn’t put the wp_footer(); function in the footer.php the adminbar of wodpress wasn’t showing… I have a year trying to figure out what the hell was happening. I lie… maybe two hours. I haven’t put much of a thought this year in my blog besides the sporadic update about the nuances of my unadventurous and extremely boring life. But, I’m going to try, since right now the Christmas layout, and as you can see (but I know that only computers and spambots are registered in this shit) the adminbar is now showing. Yey! Bah… whatever.

Christmas is coming late: I kid you not. Normally, there is this annoying to-no-end music that is called: “Gaitas” and you normally can hear the screeching thing since July because, let’s face it, it’s Venezuela and the only thing that this country wants it’s to party so, we are in October and I have yet to listen to. I’m happy don’t get me wrong, I did heard some alienated and dispersed songs once or twice, but then… I just want for the heat to end and the stupid year to finish once and for all. I want vacations… even if this month I have been liking my job. I always love my job, but there are months that… well, nothing… I’m a picky and unstable person (yeah, right XD).

I have an allergy/flu that is killing me I can’t touch my nose anymore without feeling pain. It’s horrible red and I can’t breath properly (let’s speaketh not about my GERD and Ulcer, because it’s not worthy, but yeah… you know.) just life, like usual…

Well, I’m off to planned the (I foresee [because I'm feeling awfully lazy]) failed Christmas layout.

• I feel: :S
• I Listen: Rosie and Me - Darkest Horse

I am suffering, and frustrated and etc, etc, etc. The new Delicious, SUCKZ like with capitals and the bad writing… FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, most of the links are gone and those fucking stacks WTF with that?! T_T I’m grieving … I can’t find half of the fic I normally read or anything else for that matter :S Goggle is A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS when trying to find this kind of things…

Damn it, WHY!? I wasn’t contrary to the fact that Yahoo was selling, but why fucked over what was working perfectly fine?

Damn it all…

Pissed off, Liuny.

• I feel: Kinda tired
• I Listen: Rosie and Me - Darkest Horse

last night, and I wanted to draw, so I decided to revamp this pic :D

• I feel: In pain...
• I Listen: Hanz Simmer - Tell me

Thank you…

The Management…

FYI: My ulcer it’s KILLING ME, literally… that illness should be forbbiden…

• I feel: Sick...
• I Listen: OST Beauty and the Beast - Belle (reprise)

This days I have been thinking a lot. Most of the thoughts I can’t remember, but one that keep nagging me was my first attempt to learn Reiki… I just rolled my eyes when I remember that everything that went to hell that day she blamed it on Lucifer. OMG! Seriously woman? I was better without all this shit, when I tried more white channels, everything went to (figuratively) hell. Seriously. I don’t know if I, myself; fucked up my luck by derailing myself from my way of life or if just because my luck run out, since I began to question my believes and tried to fit into the white ways shit began to happens. The fucked up thing is that one cannot came back to the way that things were before, which is sad. Once change had been made, they cannot really be undone. Keeping with the first line of thought: she told me that she couldn’t initiated me in the Reiki Ways with my “Satanic influences”. Seriously? For cereal? If there is one thing I have learn in the long run is: Keep your mouth shut. Talk is the worst thing that you can do, specially when I speak. People tend to react badly when I began to talk about my believes, likes and dislikes, it’s kinda disconcerting.

I want to quit my job, not because I dislike said job, it’s just. I don’t want to work anymore, ok? Which is stupid because I know I’m really lucky to have work at all with the stupid situation in the country (let’s put the whole world in here, the world is slowly burning). Anyway… I won’t quit of course, that would be a stupid move of my part, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t dream with a life where I don’t have to work.

My stomach is bothering me right now. X.x this is the worst sickness I have had in my short life.

I’m kinda mad because of the mess that this people is making with the internet order I made, and because this will dent, gravely; my bank account, but alas… I want my pastels and the rest of the markers I bought… I just pray to every know deity that I will be able to pay it without any trouble.

Seriously, today: Life can go to hell and bury itself in the most deepest shit. I DON’T CARE…

• I feel: Normal
• I Listen: Iron Maiden - Rainmaker

I have the damnest luck… of all of the Ulcer symptoms, the one I would like to suffer, it’s the only one I don’t have… (bare the blood thing, I haven’t bleed so far). But, the most common symptoms is alarming weight lose, and have I lost weight? NO! FML, but well… I’ll pretend that isn’t even a symptom, because it’s just my luck.

I’m just dying to go and buy the rest of the markers! Really… I have no self control, and of course no matter how many markers I will own I will always want more. Thanks God I can afford it… even if I keep this I’ll end broke, but Ah~ the satisfaction of having the thing is just too much XD.

I found out today how much will probably be my “Christmas bonus” AKA: Utilidades. I thought… never mind what I thought. Fuck it… whatever, I was planning something too big for the miserable amount I will be likely end with (if I don’t get fired first). Seriously, almost 4000? That’s not even a BlackBerry! Enough said! T_T I’m so fucking disappointed. But alas… I’m restless for buy the rest of the things I want to buy… and I will have to send them by ship because the 500 sheets of paper are going to rise alarming the shipping rate to this forsaken country… so yeah… ship it is… fuck, five weeks… my poor ulcer XD my anxiety it’s just uncontrollable. Alas, whatever.